6 Tips to Support Your Back-to-Schooler: It Starts at Home

Transitioning from a carefree summer to a more regimented school schedule can mean trouble for many children (and parents). Here is how you can support your child or adolescent as they return to hitting the books.

Ah, back-to-school. The smell of newly minted notebooks, the excitement of picking that first day outfit, and the thrill of seeing new friends after a lazy summer off. Commericials would tell us that children thrive at this time of year as they peddle the latest fashions and accessories. Yet, a fresh start and new beginnings mean a change from the norm; a change of classroom environment, of teachers, grade, peers, perhaps schools, and this doesn't even include the addition of before and after school programs. And change can be hard.

I remember being a back-to-schooler. I remember being excited to reunite with friends but I also remember the butterflies in my stomach as I wondered if my teacher was going to be nice or not. I remember the feeling of dissapointment that I felt when friends moved away, or when I was reunited with school bullies who I had managed to avoid for the summer. As a parent, I understand the chaos that this season brings, the stress of trying to schedule a new year of activities, of packing healthy lunches, and the dread of homework time.

So what can you do in order to tackle the back-to-school season, while honoring all of the emotions that you and your child feel during this time? Here are some tips and strategies that have helped families that I work with as well as my own:

1. Provide a safe space. Home should be a place where everyone can relax, let their guard down, and decompress after a long day. This also goes for children. As a parent, save space for big emotions without judgement. Offer a soft place to land with a hug, a suprise cup of cocoa, or an acknowledgement that transitions are difficult. Show resilience by pushing forward and by communicating to your child that they can do hard things. You are your child's safety net.

2. Create a calming atmosphere. As a parent, I know how cluttered a family house can get. However, small things like lighting a candle, playing soft music, or going outside can provide everyone with a sense of calm and room to breathe. Setting up an environment for your family to thrive is incredibly important. Is it possible to minimize some of the physical objects getting in your way? Be flexible in your thinking. Could your child benefit from doing their homework on the floor? Do they like the sound of a crackling fireplace in the background while they work? For more informaiton on environmental design, feel free to message me!

3. Let go of expectations. So many parents put pressure on themselves to have their kids in everything that it actually becomes a detriment to the child and to the family. If you feel that you are constantly on the road, or are racing around, then maybe you need to take a step back. Can you simplify your schedule? Can an activity be swaped for a family nature walk or reading a book together? You do not need to do it all. Stop comparing your child to their peers. Your child is unique and has unique needs. Perhaps they need more time to decompress after school, and need to spend less time on homework. That's ok. Be patient and know your child's skills and limitations. Help them to develop their abilities but don't shove them into boxes that don't fit.

4. Listen. Being a parent means being there for your child throughout life's trials and tribulations. Be sure to check in with your child to see how their day went. Ask for details (even if they don't disclose at first), to show that you are interested. Share parts of your day. Tell them that you missed them and that you like hearing what they have been up to. When children feel like they can speak to their parents, they are more likely to open up about the hard things.

5. Advocate. The reality of today's educational system is a grim one. Lack of funds, lack of staff, and educator burnout have led to a system that is experiencing a shoftfall of support for children (let along children with special rights). You know your child best and are, therefore, your child's best advocate. Get to know your school principal and teachers. Introduce yourself to the resource teacher. Become familiar with your child's IEP (if they have one) and be sure that it is being upheld. Reach out to community resources in your area that may be able to support your child in school. If this seems like too much, hire an advocate who can speak on behalf of you and your partner in championing your child's educational experience (psst...I can do this for you!).

6. Look after yourself. When we feel stress, frustration, anxiety, or sadness, our children pick up on it. They may not be able to pinpoint the whys behind your emotions, but they feel it vicerally. Make sure to talk about your emotions with your child (e.g., "Mommy is feeling anxious right now because there is a long list of things to do to get ready for back-to-school") and how you plan on addressing them (e.g., "I think that I am going to take a bath tonight to help me relax"). This will help your child become emotionally literate and will also nudge you to participate in self-care. Happy parents raise happy children.

Back-to-school season, though stressful, can be managed if we remember to put families first. For more tips about how your can support your child at school and at home, please email me at admin@secondnaturetherapy.ca.

Happy parenting,

Anastasia

Motherhood Hurts: A Postpartum Transformation

The demands of children, spouses, work, and caring for ourselves (lol) takes a toll on maternal mental health in the postpartum period and beyond.

I remember leaving the hospital with my firstborn, stitched up to my a**hole, a big smile painted on my face with a new lipgloss. My hair was waved from the day before and had been spritzed with dry shampoo, a high contrast to the sweat that was starting to pool betwen my breasts and the panging I felt in my ears. Why was everyone being so loud??

We had visitors. First it was from my Dad, then my in-laws (I think). My mother must have showed up at some point. Honestly, the only thing that I remember acutely was the pain that I felt when I willed myself to sit up in a chair to receive everyone, my baby craddled snuggly in his new bassinet next to our master bed. I remembering vomiting in my mouth and swallowing it to be polite.

People don't tell you that motehrhood hurts. Instagram touts the latest baby gear, Tik Tok shows off the muscle mommies and those cute couples that always seem to have matching outfits. I wanted that. I wanted it so badly. I had everything planned and earmarked. I had researched and prepared. I reckoned that I deserved an A+ in motherhood prep.

But, even still, motherhood hurt. It hurt my body, first and foremost. My body, this thing that I used to be able to control, was now in the possession (it seemed) of another human being and everything was just covered in blood or milk or both. But my soul also hurt. It questioned why I was meant to show off my nursery, why I had to invite guests over for dinner when I myself couldn't even eat with two hands, and why all questions regarding parenting were geared toward me and not my husband who obviously and clearly had a hand in all of this.

I longed for a visit from the carefree twentysomethingyearold with the perky boobs and tiny waist who had the ability to go out dancing just because she could. She never came. I also longed for my inner Mary Poppins to come out, wherever she was, to get my house back in spit spot shape and maybe outfit me for a waist trainer. But she never came either. Only guests came and they all wanted to know how the baby was.

Dear reader, I want to tell you that motherhood doesn't hurt but I would be lying. I want to tell you that it gets easier with time, that you find yourself again and can snap back but maybe you can't. Sure, there are mothers who get back their figures, some that live for Pinterest and home decor (hi), but they are still forever changed. Because motherhood changes you. From the inside out. Literally. You are changed. You are different. And that is ok.

Life is about transformation. We journey through childhood, adolescence, our young adult years, middle age, and then through our golden years. We bud, we bloom, and we fade. You aren't meant to be the same woman that you were when you were twenty, or forty-five, or sixty. You're meant to learn, to grow, and to evolve. That is what motherhood becomes, an evolution of the self.

Looking back at my first postpartum experience (of three...ouch), I wish I had had someone to just sit beside me. Someone who knew what they were talking about. Someone who could tell me what I was doing right and be there for when I needed support. Or maybe just someone to sit with me in silence.

Second Nature Child, Youth & Family Counselling has provided me with the space, with the shingle, to provide these services to you. Together, we can navigate postpartum, motherhood, the ups and the downs. We can talk, eat other people's food (I know you've been delivered some food), and heal physically and psychologically.

Let's explore the new you. Because I'm happy to meet YOU, not just your baby.

Contact me today (or at midnight tonight while you're up) and book a session.

I'll be here,

Anastasia

Comment below: How did motherhood change you?

Our Story Begins Here

If you’re on this page, I’m assuming that you, like many, are searching for some answers. Maybe you’re a new mother looking for support in navigating a monumental life shift, maybe you’re a father looking to strengthen your relationship with your teenage son, maybe you’re an individual searching for a sense of self and have been contemplating how nature can help you reconnect with your roots, or maybe you’re advocating for a child that doesn’t seem to fit into the mold. Perhaps you’re struggling emotionally, maybe your dreams seem hazy and out of reach, and you’re fighting to stay grounded while attempting to reach out to a community that may not exist or have the tools to support you.

I want you to know that I am here and that I was there once. Heck, I’m still there. We are all still there. Throughout our lives, we have been taught a fallacy. As we grow and learn to navigate our roles within a Western, heteronormative, and patriarchal world, we take on the culture’s underlying values of independence, of individualism, of striking it out on our own. We’re told that relationships will fall into place, that parenting and the search for our identity will come easily.

But they don’t. Real relationships take time, effort, and navigation and so does connecting with the natural world. It entails investigating and dismantling. It involves searching inward and reaching outward. It comprises of recognizing the things that do come naturally and nurturing small victories. Like the natural world, humans thrive when we pause, breathe, and reflect while surrounded by the things that connect us to our humanity and lived experiences. Our shared humanity, this link between beings, is what makes relationship building so powerful and this is what comes as second nature to all of us. It is the thread that binds us together.

So, here I am, asking you to grab that thread. Together, we can reflect and debunk. We can strategize and achieve. We can break down and rebuild. We can start over. We can do this again and again until you are empowered and until nurturing your child, and yourself, does become second nature.

First, it is intention.

Then a behaviour.

Then a habit.

Then a practice.

Then a second nature.

Then it is simply who you are.

-Brendon Burchard

Contact me, and let’s take this first step together.

You’ve got this,

Anastasia