The Birth of a Child, The Birth of a Mother: Celebrating Roman's 4th Birthday

On May 20th, 2016, at 3:59 am, my world changed forever.

My son, Roman Orion Alexander, was born after a dramatic labour and delivery. I remember everything and I remember nothing all at once. I remember my water breaking in bed at 11:00 pm the night before. I remember telling my husband that, no, I was not "peeing my pants" and that this was, indeed, really happening. I remember trying to take a shower and then falling to my knees as soon as I turned on the water.

I remember feeling the urge to push and hoping and praying that I wouldn't be one of those moms who gives birth on the toilet.

I vaguely remember calling my Mom to look after the dogs, of attempting (badly) to bend myself enough to sort of sit on the passenger seat of our old SUV. I remember getting to the hospital,asking for an epidural and being told that, "No sweetie, we don't give epidurals when you're already ten centimetres dilated". I remember trying to stall the whole process by asking to go to the bathroom. After that, I remember nothing.

Roman's delivery was fast for a first timer like myself. He was a few days late and, as I came to understand, I was actually in prodromal labour for a lot longer (more like two weeks) before my water broke and things really started happening.

Like Roman's personality, my labour and delivery was a fast fury of action.

The rest of the story has been filled in by my husband, a paramedic by trade who, by all accounts, was NOT on the job when I was labouring and was very much confronted by his own emotions regarding the situation. I pushed for four hours, ineffectively. They tried to give me laughing gas to take the edge off. The doctor's tried to physically push back on my legs to try to give me some leverage. Roman descended quickly, but he was stuck in the birth canal. His heart rate began to show distress and we were in trouble. I remember the obstetrician asking me (pleading me) to allow him to give me a third degree episiotomy to get my son out. I nodded and Roman was born.

Before I could even look at my baby, he was whisked away. I remember asking my husband if my son was alive. His expression was motionless for a second, then we heard our baby cry.

When I finally got to hold my baby, I felt a flurry of maternal instinct wash over me. I felt an instant connection to my son and was grateful that we were together again. Physically, however, I was in rough shape. Mentally, I was in an even rougher state. In an attempt to "fix" the labour and delivery story that just didn't go how I had hoped it would (natural, drug-free and reliant on a lot of positive visualization), I refused to take medication for pain. Instead, I "toughed it out" and concentrated on breastfeeding my baby. If my labour and delivery weren't perfect then, surely, I could try hard and have my breastfeeding journey be exactly the way I had planned, right?

Not so. Roman's latch was terrible. He was termed a "lazy eater". He had acute reflux issues and had to be medicated. We later found out that he was highly sensitive to all dairy and soy. As for me, my milk came in seven days late due to my being in acute pain, I had cracked and bleeding nipples and I was engorged. I had no idea what pumping even was and found myself using a drug-store grade manual pump with a flange that cut me. I was a complete mess and I felt like I was failing. In an effort to save our breastfeeding relationship, I rented a hospital grade pump and then purchased my own and pumped and fed my child for eight months straight up to fifteen times a day. The amount of pumping was in order to mitigate the amount my son was throwing up. Needless to say, breastfeeding Roman was a complete nightmare.

And, yet, as I write this, here he is. a four year old. A thriving, intelligent, rambunctious and insatiable preschooler who lives for all things prehistoric. You would never know of our struggle, of our struggles. From the outset, Roman was a very intense baby and he continues to be an intense child, one that thrives on constant intellectual stimulation and physical outlets. He continues to challenge us in new ways every day and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It is funny when your first born celebrates a birthday. Yes, we do the cake thing, the balloon thing. We have friends over (pre-pandemic, of course) and we open presents.

But the birthday of your first born is so much more. Not only is it the birth of your child, it is the birth of you as as parent.

Before having Roman, I was a hyper-perfectionistic version of my self. I longed for order, for control. I really didn't care for the great outdoors and my life had more of an aesthetic quality to it. What people saw of me was very much a curated version of myself, something that I wasn't ashamed of sharing but that wasn't really deep enough to create any type of meaning.

My experiences with Roman, as a baby, as a toddler and now, as a preschooler, has shaped me as a parent, as a person, in ways that I didn't even think possible. I've learned from our trials and experiences. I now understand that life can't be planned, that people aren't meant to be perfect and that, sometimes, imperfection is exactly what we need. Today, I crave our outdoor time and find solace in nature. Roman has guided me the whole way.

He has taught me more in the past four years then I could ever have had the hope of teaching him.

And so, On May 20th, during an international pandemic, Roman, Aurora, Nic and I sat down and ate store-bought vanilla sprinkle cupcakes, adorned with a Dollar Store candle. We saved the balloons for another day and hid unwrapped presents outside for Roman to find during his daily outdoor romp. Was it a perfect birthday party? Not even close. Was it exactly what we needed? Absolutely. Roman was happy, I was happy, and, together, we celebrated another trip around the sun together. Another milestone. Another birthday. An imperfect ode to the imperfect birth of a first born and his mother. And that, in itself, is perfect in my eyes.

#birthstory #motherhood #motherhoodunfiltered #momlife #pregnancy #delivery #traumaticbirth #babies #preschool #kindergarten #adhd #mentalhealth #postpartum #postpartumanxiety #breastfeeding

ADHD Approved! Kiwi Co. Koala Crate Craft Subscription Review

When I hit a home run with a craft that a) works with short attention spans, b) is virtually indestructible (you know what I’m talking about here), c) allows learning to happen naturally and d) is FUN, you know I have to share it! Note: this is an unsponsored post from one parent of an exceptional child to another.

Recently, we received an amazing gift for Easter: the Koala Crate by Kiwi Co. The Koala Crate is a monthly craft subscription box for children aged two to four that delivers tailored, educational and exceptionally fun crafts right to your door. Inside, you’ll find three amazing craft ideas to engage your little ones plus all of the materials to make them. It really is a win-win! I get to provide my children with high-quality learning opportunities without all of the time spent on set-up and pre-planning and my toddlers and pre-kinders enjoy being able to get creative!

Now, there are many craft and curriculum subscription boxes out there but, guys, I’ve TESTED this one. That’s right, I’ve tested this box for you with a child who is high energy, highly impulsive, highly curious…you get the idea. AND IT WORKED. This craft box has been such a positive addition to our daily curriculum!

I was so impressed with this amazing craft subscription. As soon as I opened it I, no joke, heaved a sigh of relief! Inside, you will find all of the supplies necessary to make three fun and age-appropriate crafts PLUS you will find an accompanying, “Imagine! Magazine” for your children that follows the theme of the month. For example, the theme for our first subscription box was “rainbows”. The "Imagine! Magazine" included so many wonderful lessons, activities and discovery opportunities including a short story, a prism activity that utilizes objects that you can find around the house and a complete supplemental book list to find at your local library! The nerdy, educator in me was seriously excited! For a complete unboxing video, click the link right here.

But, parents, as you are well aware, the true test of the success of a craft when dealing with an exceptional child is whether it holds up, grabs attention and allows for ample learning and fun. I can attest that this box was a total winner! As my daughter napped, my son enjoyed soaking our tote bag, placing it on the baking tray and picking out his favourite colours of tissue paper.

He had a blast watching the tissue paper colours bleed onto the white canvas bag and loved the control he felt when he was able to use the dropper to add little droplets of water to every square. As someone who is passionate about childhood development and psychology, I loved watching him practice his fine motor skills, participate in choice-making and work on his attention span. Bonus: as soon as my child’s attention span was at its peak, the craft was finished and was ready for the drying stage. When the bag was fully dry, my son loved peeling off the tissue paper (that had since turned white) to reveal his beautiful artwork. The bag was ready to tote some special dinosaur friends! Success!

I highly recommend the Koala Crate by Kiwi Co. for children with exceptionalities and for those who are extremely active.

Additionally, parents and guardians can choose from craft boxes designed for all age groups. Kiwi Co.creates educational craft boxes for infants all the way up to teenagers aged sixteen plus! It is so convenient just knowing that these craft boxes will age alongside my children. Parents, guardians and educators of these children will love the opportunity to put set-up work aside in order to relax and watch their children explore, learn and create!

Hurray for Kiwi Co.!

#prekactivities #prek #earlychildhoodeducation #kindergarten #kiwico #koalacrate #review #subscriptionbox #unboxing #adhd #mentalhealth #disability #empowerment #education #homeschool #unlearning #creativekids #toddler #add #mommyblogger #ottawa

Active Little Daily Schedule

If you're a visitor of this site, you already understand the challenges of raising an extremely active child. Children who are exceptional demand so much more of us as caregivers; they insist on our undivided attention and require a high level of energy and resources in order to thrive. And that's on a good day.

The international crisis of the COVID pandemic has added yet another layer of challenges to parents and guardians of exceptional children. Schools and childcare facilities are no longer operating, schedules have been disrupted and children are missing out on their usual social interactions and routines. I know that, at our house, both of my children have struggled to come to terms with a new normal, and so have I. My son, in particular, misses his regular trips to playgroup, the museum and the beach. I hear it in his conversations, see it in his behaviour and feel it in my heart.

In an effort to help other parents and guardians flesh out a new normal, I've decided to share a daily routine specifically geared toward the (very) active child. Consider this your ticket to survival.

Created by a Mom Who "Gets It"

This daily schedule is different from any other in that it provides ample time for things like gym time, outdoor play and focused and varied activities. This is not by accident! No, this schedule was made by a mother of a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, one who has an education in psychology and who understands that, by the 1:00 pm mark,the person who is tired and ready for a nap is you! In fact, this schedule was deliberately designed so that, by bedtime, your child will be physically tired, mentally satisfied and ready (and willing!) for a good nights sleep. And we all could use a little more of that.

Feeling Check-In

You'll also notice something else that makes this daily schedule a unique one. We all know that self-regulation can be a difficult skill to master for children who are extremely active. Indeed, the skill of self-perception and self-reflexivity, or the ability to stop and look inward in order to asses one's own needs and emotions can be extremely challenging for a child who won't even stop to have a snack when their stomach is crying out for food. This is the very reason why I included three "feeling check-ins" during the day.

These feeling check-ins are meant as just that, a chance for you, the caregiver, to check in with your child to assess their emotional state.

I have included these feeling check-ins at points during the day when I believe that your child will be the most willing to express his or her feelings, namely, when they are sitting down and while they are busying their hands with eating. Ideally, a feeling check-in can be as simple as a directed question of "How are you feeling right now?". If your child struggles with putting words to feelings, having a pictorial feeling chart nearby can be extremely helpful and can bring a tactile experience to the check-in. You can find one at Teachers Pay Teachers.

Getting Them Moving

You will also notice another stark difference in our active little schedule: the sheer amount of gross motor play and outdoor time. Yup, that's a lot of time to move your body! This is essential for children who struggle with hyperactivity and impulsivity. They must have an opportunity to get it all out and those opportunities have to be frequent.

You'll see that the majority of my family's mornings are encompassed by gross motor activities and full body movement, from time in the family gym to outdoor, nature time.

This doesn't have to be complicated. For example, we designate 8:30 am to 9:30 am every day to "gym time". For us, this means revving up the treadmill, taking out the free weights and working out alongside our children. Yes, my child uses a treadmill...and free weights! However, if you do not have access to gym equipment, there are tons of opportunities to incorporate gross motor activities at home and on a budget. YouTube is an excellent resource to find child friendly exercise routines. Pinterest houses so many amazing indoor obstacle course ideals that would make any child feel the excitement of moving their bodies.

The goals is to be active, to learn to move in different ways and to appreciate what our bodies can do.

Outdoor time is another central piece of the puzzle when raising an exceptionally active child. Nature grounds us, provides a myriad of learning opportunities and is a central player in cultivating a healthy kid. Our family engages in a ton of outdoor activities from playing on our backyard play structure, to climbing trees, to participating in scavenger hunts or to just going for a run. If you don't have access to a backyard, something as simple as taking a stroll (or, let's be honest, a run) through a field can be liberating. During our time outside, I find ways of engaging my kids in the traditional "indoor" activities that my children find challenging. For example, while my son may not enjoy sitting still in a circle and singing songs at playgroup, he loves to sit on a stump by a camp fire and tell stories. It is the same activity, he is learning the same skills (language development, cooperation, turn taking self-regulation) but the environment has been tailored in order to meet his needs as an active child.

Kinesthetic (Hands-On) Learning Activity

The last main different you'll notice in our schedule is the attention that is paid to the "planned, hand's on daily activity". Before social isolation, my children's educational appetite was satisfied with trips to museums, libraries and farms. Today, my kids crave the same intellectual stimulation and, of course, they crave variety. This means that I have been tasked with homeschooling both of my kids for two hours a day in a more traditional sense, a task that (nerd alert!) makes me extremely excited.

Child-led and interest-driven, I pre-design an activity for my kids to participate in from Monday to Friday. From science experiments to baking activities to puzzle building, I make sure that my kids are engrossed in an activity that allows them to learn something new while practicing their fine motor skills, communication skills and creative thinking.

I love the family time that it affords us and the kids look forward to what is in store for them every day. Oh, and don't worry, I'll be sharing lots of my early childhood activities right here on the blog, which means more support for you!

So that's it, this is how I survive my days as a full-time, single (80% of the time, my husband is a shift worker) caregiver of two exceptionally active little people who are currently stuck at home! If you have any questions about this schedule, or just need to reach out, feel free to e-mail me at anastasiamachan@gmail.com, or send me a message on Instagram @anastasiamachan or Facebook @anastasiamariemachan.

Remember...we are in this together!

#dailyschedule #activelittles #adhd #mentalhealth #covid #pandemic #homeschoolschedule #homeschool #education #kindergarten #preschool #prekactivities #activitites #outdooreducation #education #socialisolation